Dear Diary

Hi,
I am a new writer here. I have not written anything before this. When I say this, I mean- the way I am going to write today- I have not written this way ever in my life. I wish I had.

I think things could have been better, had I not been so stern. I am old today, seventy three years old. I have five children but today I live alone. My wife passed away five years back, and I wasn't sweet to her. I would always see errors in her doings. Her motherly heart was never understood by me. This is the reason why I say, that I wish I had written this earlier. So, that I had known my emotions, and these writings would end up, loosening the sternness, of my manners. I never saw how my actions had affected her. When I write my thoughts, I remember all my wrongdoings. So, had I started writing earlier, I could have kept a check over my actions, and their impact.

My children loved me. I had loved them, but after their marriage they had their own lives to live. They had their reasons to fulfil their responsibilities, but I least understood it. I lived with them for many years, even after their marriage. I said, they had loved me. I loved them as well. A father's heart is very pure. Sometimes, I couldn't make them understand this; whenever I had hurt them, I was hurt too.

Then, there was a little trouble between my children. It was regarding us. Their wives had a problem with keeping us, my wife and me. I saw it happening, so I told my wife to be ready to leave. I rented a flat, and the house owner was a very kind man. He took good care of us. My children were happy, their wives were happy. Oh, I forgot to tell you that I have five sons. They would visit us, and we were happy to see them happy.

With time, we felt that for them, our importance lessened. We two, didn't like that; so we indulged yet again in the homely affairs of our children. Our hearts had wanted to see our grandchildren, to spend time with them. But, we lived very far; so it took two hours to reach to them. My sons lived in separate homes, but we were far anyway from all of them. Our daughter-in law didn't like her children always asking for their grandparents. Children had the emotional attachment with us, just like us. I wondered, what was the difference in being old and being as young as them.

With time, I forgot that my children had their lives and we were like relatives to them now. We should have accepted it all, and wouldn't have been hurt if they didn't call us, in their celebrations of birthdays and marriage anniversary's where their close friends were invited. I regret to have invaded their lives, with my tag of a father; for them to fulfil my wishes, to meet my grandchildren, to be a part of their lives. I wish, I had not been this stern, that I had wanted their love. I wish, I had left them to do things, the manner they pleased. They had their own families to account for, I wish I had understood that.

My wife always told me, to stay away; but I knew she didn't mean it. She was also stern like me, for their love. She went to God before me, and I had told her that I would go to our native town if anything happened to her, and live there for the rest of my life. I wouldn't trouble my sons anymore. But, as a matter of fact only their love was; what had made my day as well as my wife's day, when we were young and in full glow. When we would go on picnics. Time moved faster. Somewhere, we remained in the past songs, thinking that nothing would change our bond of togetherness but it didn't last long. It ended sooner. When an imaginary world met the realistic world.

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Comments

  1. hey!
    this sounds pretty realistic yet a lil sad. maybe this is what the world is today.
    All in all a very truthful article.
    keep writing!
    cheers!!! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yes, this looks like the way of the world.
      yes, i will keep writing. :) cheers :)

      Delete

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